Part 1: Chapter 1 (Battle) - Dear Diary, My Sister-In-Law Doesn't Like Me

Update 1 (Battle) - Dear Diary, My Sister-In-Law Doesn’t Like Me

Oh, boy, here we go. All-new game, all-new fun. I've missed this.



Well, it's a DS game, as you can tell.



And we're moving on to a third land...



OMEGA LAND. Sounds scary.



And some new COs. This is Rachel, who, uh, isn't a fan of me.



And this is Jake. Never met the guy. _{I think he came to the wedding?}



Either way, welcome, everyone, to Advance Wars: Dual Strike! The third game in the series, and as usual, I'm your host, Commander my dude of Orange Star.



So, hey, let's get started, shall we? I'm excited to kick things off.



And me. I helped too.



That's... concerning. Yeah, it's only been a few months since I defeated Sturm. Or since Hawke fucking murdered Sturm, I should say.



We're the Allied Nations now! Why do I get the feeling I'm still going to end up fighting the other countries as 'practice' or 'mock battles'..?



Anyway, here's our new map, and a first mission. I just arrived in Omega Land so I have absolutely no idea what the situation is.



Don't you worry about me, Sis. You've got your hands full over in Macro Land. We may not have a big presence here in Omega Land, but we're not alone. With all four of the Allied Nations working together, Black Hole's no match for us!

I'm glad to hear that. Still, I've sent a few of our COs over to give you a hand. Just hang in there until they can arrive, and don't do anything rash, OK?

If she's sending Dipshit, I'm quitting.

I've got it, Sis! My Omega Land COs can take anything Black Hole dishes out.

Hah! I know, I know. And with you in the field, I got nothing to worry about. I don't think I'll be able to join you, though.

That's why I'm sending the next best thing.

Wait, Sis, you don't mean--you can't send HIM! He's an idiot!

I know you've not been awfully fond of him, but he'll be a big help, and his soldiers are some of the best. ...Think of it as a chance to bond with him!

Please just cancel his flight. I can take care of Omega Land without him!

Um, well... he left hours ago. He's probably already there.

Oh, for--alright, fine. I'll play nice for now.

He is still just an ACO, though. That means you're in charge of field training any new COs, all right?

Got it!

Good. That is all, soldier! And by the way, don't call me "Sis," not when the other COs might hear.

Oh, yeah. That might get them wondering about your age!

Hey! That's not what I'm saying at all!

Nell's age is a very well-kept secret, to be fair. She didn't tell me for months.

I have my orders, Commander Nell! I'll take care of everything. Rachel, signing out! ...Click.

...

So Commander Nell is your sister?

Yep. We both enlisted about the same time, but my big s-- I mean, Commander Nell's smarter than me, so she rose through the ranks fast.

Luck had something to do with it, too.

Well, she did sort of singlehandedly help me defeat Sturm the first time around, which probably helped a lot.

Naw, you're razor sharp, Rachel. I guess I haven't been much of anywhere, but I haven't met anyone smarter.

Ha! Take one step out of Omega Land, you'll be tripping over COs with way more skill than me! But listen, Jake, Omega Land is in very real danger. And we can't count on getting backup from Macro Land anytime soon.

But what about my d--

I know what I said.

: (

We can't even be sure where all of our allied COs are now, either. You and me are the only ones left to stop the enemy, Jake.

Sounds like our backs are up against the wall.

The music's pretty cheery to say you're in such a desperate situation.

All in all, you're taking this pretty well. You're not worried?

Naw. Well...yeah. Maybe a little. But with you rollin' beside me, I know it's all good.

Don't even think I'm doing all the work. You're going to have to pull your weight!

Hm. Looks like my dude just arrived, with some troops in tow. In that case... It's time to start training. I'm warning you, though, I'm not going to go easy on you.

What?! Oh, let me turn my music down. Yeah, cool... I'm listening. Who's my dude going to be working with?

Certainly not me!

Oh, I can see we're off to an excellent start... Nice to see you too, sister-in-law.



Alright, let's begin the first mission. I'm just really hoping Jake's not... well, not Dipshit, basically. Oh, right, deployments for this mission:

Today's Deployments
Rin, Infantry
Alfonse, Mech
Dave, Tank

Rin Fisher
Age: 20
Personality: Joyful and extremely friendly.
Proficiencies: Infantry, Anti-Air, Tank, Artillery

Alfonse
Age: 20
Personality: Laid-back soldier, always helpful.
Proficiencies: Infantry, Mech, Battle Copter, Anti-Air

Dave Ruston
Age: 25
Personality: Gruff but kind-hearted soldier.
Proficiencies: Infantry, Mech, Tank, Medium Tank

We all know these guys. They're back!



Day 1. Ah, it's all coming back to me now. The map, the units-



The fucking tutorials

The blue units are mine. They're on special loan from Blue Moon's army.

Oh, shit, is that Dimitri's Mercenaries?

The real enemy is Black Hole, so their units will be black. Don't forget!

Rachel proceeds to tutorialise us on the Advance Wars basics - select units, move 'em around, attack stuff, get the first strike, so on and so forth. If you've read LPAW and LPAW2, you already know the drill.



Evidently Rachel has not seen Dave or Vanessa take out a tank. Infantry are capable of some stupid shit if they get lucky.



"Well, if it ain't Rin Fisher." Dave says as he wheels his tank towards the enemy. "They let you transfer to the ground units division, then?"

"Yup!" Rin replies, beaming and waving at Dave. There's traces of her lisp, but it's very rare these days. Her elocution is almost perfect. "It's nice to see you both again!"

Alfonse nods. "Fighting Black Hole again... it's like nothing's changed."

On the other side of the field, the tank that Dave is approaching opens up, and Dimitri's head pokes up from the top of it. He gives the group a daring grin.

"One thing's changed, don't you think. We're the Allied Nations now!"

"Very true - but don't think I'm gonna hold back, even if this is a mock battle!" Dave replies. "Here it comes!"

"Brace yourself, Dimitri." Boris warns, narrowing his eyes. "These goons aren't messing around."



The tank takes some damage, bringing it down to about half HP.

"That's the way I like it." Dimitri says, licking his lips. "The thrill of battle... here we are again."

The Blue Moon soldiers, members of the division known as Dimitri's Mercenaries, are famed for their strength and unity, so Dave's excited to try his hand at fighting against them. Rin frets as she watches the tanks do battle, until Alfonse puts his hand on her arm.

"Remember, that's Dave you're watching. He's going to be fine. The practice weapons are harmless."

"I know, I know, I'm just worried. I haven't seen him in a couple of months, after all!"

"Mm, it's been a while since we saw the naval division." Alfonse replies. "I'm glad to see you though, Rin. Everybody's missed you, you know!"

"Oh, goodness, don't say that... well, I've missed everyone as well!"



Rin races off to capture a property. It's not super useful for this very short battle, but hey, it's something for Rin to do.



Alfonse heads forward to finish off the tank. I attacked with Dave first since he takes less counter damage than a paper-thin mech does - that means Alfonse can finish Dimitri off without taking any counterattacks.



The COs comment on what's happening now, which is kinda cute. This is probably why I'm not a CO, if I had to comment on losing a unit, it'd likely just be "FUCK".

Y'know, speaking of the COs, I've not actually checked their dossiers. Let's take a look at who we're dealing with.



Well, any CO that's good at tanks is a great CO in my book. And he's not said anything incredibly stupid yet, so hey, we might have a starting CO I actually like for once!



I... don't know what these are, but whatever they are, we don't have any. I presume we'll find out later.



...Wait. Firing range of vehicles? As in, tanks?

Ranged tanks?

Holy shit, Jake might actually be amazing. Combining the two best units in the game (which as everybody knows are medium tanks and artilleries, and if you disagree I'll fight you) sounds absolutely hilarious. I have to try this at my earliest convenience - unfortunately, this mission doesn't have enough going on to fill up my CO meter.



No damage buffs or debuffs either way. I suppose the damage increase on the plains is conditional, so it's not included here. That's interesting as a concept, though - plains have little defensive value, so the damage increase means it's high-risk, high reward. I attacked from the forests to avoid the counter damage, but I wonder if I can use plains to my advantage for Boris and Ivan?



...Nell 2.0, I see.



Well, the Super CO Power is interesting, sounds similar to fuckin' Meteor Strike, which is kinda wild. The normal CO Power sounds identical to Nell's though, if I'm remembering correctly. Nell's is just a big luck-based damage boost, right?



No firepower changes here, either. Rachel's not got any skills either, so I still have no idea what they are. I'm very curious.



Day 1 for the enemy forces! You will never fucking guess what the infantry units do. Go on. Guess.



This dick, is, indeed, capturing a property. The more things change, the more they fucking don't.



Right, our turn. Let's beat Ivan and Boris and get out of here. This map's no challenge now that Dimitri's out of the way.



god damn it stop talking

I've taught you the basics of combat, so feel free to move however you want. If you want to know more about a unit or terrain type, tap it to move the cursor, then check the top screen to see in-depth intelligence. Don't forget!

That's the stuff on the right - all the information we need about wherever our cursor is looking. One thing I will say about Rachel: so far her tutorial is much more concise than her sister's.

Get ready to roll. And don't you dare hold back--I'll know if you're going easy on me!

You heard the girl, Jake. All-out offensive!

All right! I won't pull any punches!



Rin captures a thing in the meantime. Like I said, not much for her to do. Dave and Alfonse can deal with the enemies on their own.



Like so.



Alfonse can finish Ivan off, no problem. He bows out of the battle with a sly smile.

"Ah, man, you got me. Guess that means I can go for an early lunch. Nice seeing you again, gents."



Meanwhile, Boris...



This Dick Captures A Property: 1

Yes, I am going to count them all. (Until it gets boring and/or I lose count, which could easily happen.)



You might think that Boris being on a city and having 3 defence stars is a problem, but...



Our damage output is still good - because we're attacking from the plains, and getting Jake's damage boost. So yeah, the city's doing nothing for poor Boris right now.



Finish it, Alfonse. We're done here.

Oh, and in case you were wondering-



-yes, the units still violently explode when defeated. Yes, it's still silly when it happens to non-vehicles.



You may be young, but you've definitely got what it takes to be a great CO. You were born for the battlefield.

Hey, I helped!

who are you

Yeah, you think so? Sweet--that means something coming from you, Rachel.

You've got good instincts, and I'm going to personally make you one of the best.

I will begrudgingly admit that you are not as awful as Dipshit.

Dip...who?

There are going to be some tough times ahead, so just stick with me.

You know I will!

Rachel's a pretty competent CO trainer, I will say. Reminds me of when I trained under Nell a few years back. Man, has it been that long already..?



An easy, unsurprising S rank. I'm certain these are going to become harder as we go.



Jake got some... exp? Points? I dunno, but he has 300 of them, anyway. No change in rank, though.



Pfft- fucking... oh my god.

Welp, he said something stupid. Down to Dipshit tier you go, Jake.



And we're STILL going through the victory screens. A reminder of who won and who lost, and more points. Or the same points? I don't know. This, I presume, is campaign score, which is different from individual CO points.



And an overview of units created, and units lost. That was blank so I didn't screenshot it. I don't think it will be missed.



OK, NOW we're done with ending screens. I'll probably skip most of those besides the rank in future. You do get little fireworks on the map, though, that's cute.



Anyway, that wasn't much of a fight, and I'm still in the mood for some strategy, so let's just do the next mission whilst we're all here.



Understood. We'll head to the battlefield right away. Have we taken casualties?

Our infantry has taken sporadic fire, but the enemy force is fairly small.

Wait, is this in the western sector? Oh, shit, my scouts were out there!

I see. Well, we've got to get in there and rescue those grunts.

Grunts? I'll have you know they are PEOPLE and they're cooler than you.

So, I heard some Black Hole forces wanna rumble?

Yes, they've progressed much farther and faster than I'd anticipated. I'd hoped to get some more training in, but you have to play what you're dealt.

Yeah, but there aren't that many enemy units. Just kick back and give me some tips while I mop these guys up.

That's the spirit, Jake! Sounds like we've got ourselves a plan. OK, move out!



Turns out black was the new black the whole time. Are you surprised? I sure am.

Deployments this time:

Today's Deployments
Fleur, Infantry
Michael, APC
Fliss, Tank
Lucy, Artillery
Ingo, Artillery

Fleur
Age: 35
Personality: Refined and beautiful supporter.
Proficiencies: Transport Copter, APC, Infantry, Lander

Michael
Age: 23
Personality: Sarcastic but well-meaning pacifist.
Proficiencies: APC, Transport Copter, Lander, [unknown]

Fliss
Age: 21
Personality: Top-notch sharpshooter, nervous combatant.
Proficiencies: Infantry, Tank, Anti-Air, Recon

Lucy Ophelia Maxwell
Age: 18
Personality: Everybody’s favourite bomber pilot.
Proficiencies: Bomber, Fighter, Artillery, [unknown]

Ingo
Age: 19
Personality: Devoted to his friends.
Proficiencies: Artillery, Tank, Bomber, Rockets



What the fuck is that.

Yes, sir! If we capture that nearby HQ, our conquest of Omega Land will be complete.

"Which is why we're sending just three tanks to do the job."

The enemy resistance has been pathetic, hasn't it, Commander Jugger?

Information: The enemy being in shambles is likely down to Madam Director aiding us.

Oh, of course. The Director knows this place better than any of us, after all.

Query: Are we inside Orange Star territory?

Looks like it, sir.

Purge enemy from memory.

Understood!



Well, good to see nothing in Black Hole has changed.



Those guys aren't going to last long unless we get there fast!

Yeah, we've gotta get poor Fleur out of there!

It's all good--I'll just send my tank to rescue them.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! I know you're hard to beat when you're on the plains, but... You've only got one tank unit, so you can't win a head-on attack.

You must destroy every enemy unit, and you'll lose if your infantry falls. You've got some new units to try out, so let's put them to work. Go ahead and select a unit.

Rachel proceeds to explain artilleries (ranged units, can't move and attack) and APCs (carry foot units). It was incredibly interesting.



"Oh, mon dieu, I need to retreat..." gasps Fleur as she reaches the neutral cities at the river's edge. "The tanks were too much for me..."

"S-sister!" Fliss says, gearing up her tank. "I'm c-coming to get you..!"



"It's alright, Fleur, I'm here. Hop in!" Michael says, and Fleur doesn't think twice before she rushes towards the APC, always a sight for sore eyes in the Orange Star army.



As he drives back, he meets Fliss on the road and gives her a friendly wave.

"Fliss, I'll keep her safe. You get up there and meet any tanks that make it past the defensive line."

"Who's the defensive line..?" asks Fliss.

The transceiver crackles to life, and a delighted laugh issues from it.



"Who else but Lucy Ophelia Maxwell, and her delightful boyfriend Ingo!"

"Delightful?" Ingo sighs. "Couldn't I get a slightly more badass adjective?"

"Maybe!" trills Lucy. "Let's see if you're a better shot than me - I've been training with the artilleries quite a lot lately!"

"Tanks spotted on the other side. I'll take them out, no problem. You just try to keep up with me, Luce!"

Michael chuckles to himself as he puts the transceiver down.

"They're the same as ever, I see. I'm sure they've got it under control up there."

"I hope so..." murmurs Fliss.

Whilst these guys are having their fun reuniting and fighting Black Hole, I'm gonna check out Jugger. I'm curious.



Oh, so he's kinda like Flak, then. I'm pretty sure this was Flak's exact gimmick.



Yeah, and these were his CO Powers, weren't they? Damn it, Jugger, you've got to be original to stand out.



No changes here, either.



Anyway, it's his turn. The tanks have a lot of difficult forest terrain to pass through, so it's gonna take them a turn or two to get through. And during those turns, they'll be in range of Ingo and Lucy, so... yeah. Not ideal for poor Jugger, really.



Right into my artilleries' waiting clutches. You fool. You poor, computery fool, Jugger.



Identify enemy commander.

He's, uhhh...a young guy.

Profile matched: Andy of Orange Star?

Shh! If you don't mention him, he won't appear in the game. Or so I'm hoping.

No, sir. It doesn't seem to be him.

Hey, Black Hole chumps! You think you're all bad, stealing people's stuff?

File not found... You are...an Orange Star CO?

You know it! Now answer me!

Reply irrelevant. Reserving energy for current task: splitting you like an atom.

Oh shit, what a great line. Fuck it, Jugger's my new favourite Black Hole CO.

You're in Orange Star's house now, and you're going down!

Attack. Attack. Attack.



Welp, only thing to do is attack.



Unfortunately none of the tanks are in Lucy's range right now, so she can't fire. We get Fleur back to the HQ in the meantime - thanks, Michael.



So let's see what this loser does about this situation.



He... joins his tanks. To restore their HP. And taking up their turn.

So they're still in range of Ingo and Lucy.

Genius.



Ingo, Lucy, keep it up. This was barely even a fight.



We can weaken both tanks, which I'm hoping will cause them to join again, primarily because it would be hilarious.



Lucy gets her shot off, too. Next turn!



Come on, it'd be so funny. Do it for the meme, Jugger.



Jugger: certified memelord. And an awful strategist.



"I think we're all done up here, pretty much!" Ingo says, looking at the one remaining tank across the river. "Phew, and here I was thinking this was going to be tough."



"There's nothing that can stand up to you and me!" Lucy replies, firing off her first shot. "Well, that was a little corny, but you know what I mean."

"I always know what you mean, Luce."



Ingo finishes off the tank to win us the map. Ah, the tutorial maps... I wish everything was as easy as this. It's so much nicer when doing minimal-deaths runs.



Rock on! I won!

I knew you'd deliver. You're going to be a great CO, Jake.

...

So you're Black Hole goons, huh? Don't you guys ever give up? And how did you recover so quickly? Last I checked, your armies were trashed after your last failed invasion.

Reply irrelevant. Initiating Jugger retreat protocol. Next time, Jugger breaks you.

I've decided, I like Jugger.

What are they after?

Who knows... But they're out in force and bent on destruction, that's for sure. Let's leave the intelligence gathering to the pros and focus on the fighting.

Yeah, I'll figure out what their plan is. I know them well, after all.

I said leave it to the pros, not the half-baked fools who lucked their way into a high-ranking position.

Oh, I am NOT enjoying this partnership.

Finally, something we agree on. Let's just get rid of Black Hole as quickly as possible so you can go back home.

Yeah. We've gotta drop these fools.

That's right. Let's take it to 'em!

Rawk!

Did... did you just choke?



Another S rank, though there wasn't much I could do to perform worse on that map. They kind of handed the kills to you.



God damn it, Jake. I want to like you. And then you come out with shit like this.



Well, next time we'll move on to the third mission. And I spy a familiar face as our enemy CO...

Ah, reunions all round. What fun. See you next time, folks - every Friday, you know how it goes. I'm excited to be back!

***

Update 2 (Intermission) - Reunion in Omega Land